Today: wedding
Next Saturday: memorial service
All these things are life changing, for many people.
Dayna and Mark start a new life today, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer. All the details, the planning, the stress, is all paying off today for as long as they both shall live. Their lives will never be the same.
Next Saturday, probably hundreds of people will gather to remember Steven's life. For him, as C.S Lewis put it, "The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning." Those of us left in the Shadowlands will grieve our earthly loss, and celebrate Steven's heavenly gain. (Can anyone else see him cracking people up in heaven?) He leaves an unfillable space behind him.
I had a professor who once posed the question, "Ah, but which is the metaphor, and which is the real thing?" in talking about earthly weddings and Christ and His bride. The events of this coming week feel like a giant metaphor. Weddings are a small shadow of the real thing. The fleeting happiness and excitement of today will be permanent when Christ comes back to rescue his bride.
Steven was loved by many, many people. I wasn't surprised, as I clicked through his memorial service page on facebook to see a couple hundred people planning on attending that I'd never seen before. His life affected an innumerable amount of people, as has his death. The service will be in the same building as the wedding today. There will be tears at both, for different reasons. But both events hold the promise of something far greater. God has redeemed, is redeeming, and will redeem His children.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Holy Sonnet 10, by John Donne.
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy'or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy'or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
no words but these...
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.
Rest in peace, Steven.
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.
Rest in peace, Steven.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Stereotypical end of the year introspection...
Lately I’ve been thinking about who I’ve been and who I’m going to be. The biggest catalyst for this is the fact that I’m going to have a baby in 2009. I wonder what kind of mother, wife, teacher, friend, Christian, and person I will be. The hormonal changes going on in me have brought out the worst; or in other words, the person I was in college.
Back in middle school, I was terribly, painfully shy. I didn’t know how to interact with people my age. I was lonely. I was miserable. By the time I got to high school, I was over my shyness but the social cliques at my private school were as strict as the Caste system. You were what you were when you got there, so for 7 years of my life I was stuck quietly on the outskirts, with just a couple friends, wishing I could say what I wanted to say. (Just a side note: the friends that I had then were fantastic people. I still keep in touch with some of them.)
When I got to college, the game changed. I got to make up for lost time, or lost words, and I became the person that says what everyone is thinking. People listened to me and genuinely wanted to know what I had to say. I was emboldened by this new found freedom and sometimes took it to the level of jerkdom. I used being honest as an excuse to be derisive. I still have flashes of things I said to people that make me wince.
Then I got to seminary. I had simmered down some, but I was still honest. This took a lot of people by surprise. People didn’t know how to take me, and I felt like I was back in high school. Many of my classmates were good ol’ southern boys who didn’t expect girls to be smart or speak their mind. It was really hard. I wasn’t going to change who I was, but I had gotten used to being friends with guys who weren’t suspicious of me. The underlying assumption of women at seminary while I was there was that they were desperately seeking their MRS degree or that they were crazy raging feminists. While I was neither, I came away with more sympathy for group #2. But that’s neither here nor there. The point is, at a place surrounded by likeminded Christians, I was mostly alienated for being an honest person. (Some notable male exceptions: John, Jody, and of course, William)
After graduation, I began teaching. I had to ratchet back my honesty for the sake of not scarring small children and/or getting fired. (There’s a time and a place to speak your mind… when you want to tell the 10th six year old that day who has sneezed all over their classmate/not washed their hands after potty/can’t tie their shoe/wants you to look at their booger/etc. to TAKE THEIR UNTIED SHOE AND…. Well you know. It’s probably not good to speak your mind in that moment.) Then I began teaching 5th grade, and then middle school. I love teaching middle school precisely for the reasons most people think I am crazy for. I love that they are all over the place, and I get to have some small part in shaping the person they are going to be. I have such vivid memories of how miserable that was, that I know I belong in that classroom. But again, I have to be a calm presence. If I get a crappy paper turned in, I have to phrase my comments nicely… firmly point out what’s wrong, and put some encouragement in. When students are being bad, I can’t just scream at them to shut up. (I have never in my life raised my voice to a student.) Calmness works much better. The result of that, though, is that I have become very adept at pushing my emotions away, dealing with them later and rationalizing why I shouldn’t be upset. I do this at home, and as I have recently become aware, I do it to my friends. Who the emotions come out for are total strangers, and it’s not in a good way. For the first time in my life a couple weeks ago, I leaned out the window and yelled at some lady in the Publix parking lot. It’s even worse than something I would have done in college. William was picking me up at Publix and I had a few bag’s worth of groceries, more than I could easily toss in the car waiting at the stop sign. I told him to pull into the pick up-drop off lane so we wouldn’t hold up traffic. Then, I realized there was a van parked RIGHT in the entrance so William couldn’t pull off the main drive. The driver of the van was outside of her van, talking on her cell phone. I know she must have seen us there, me with bags of groceries, William trying to pull up behind her. I got in the car with my bags after some effort, and then William had to back up into Publix traffic to get back out. I leaned out my open window and gave her a piece of my mind as we drove off. Afterwards, I thought, what on earth is wrong with me? I never do things like that. I yell at drivers, I get impatient with people in grocery store lines that are being, in my opinion, purposely obtuse, and I get annoyed with people who walk realllllly realllllly slowly in the middle of the walkways at stores. I was even rude to a salesclerk at Target on Black Friday. I think that in some ways this is because of the crazy pregnancy hormones, but in other ways, I need to learn balance. Not in the new-agey, meditation sense, but in a real live normal person sense. I need to find a way to open up my emotions responsibly to the people around me, who actually care how I feel. It’s just hard to get out of the forced calm I’m in from 9 to 3 every day. It’s easier to keep it together if I’m trying to do it all the time, but then it jumps out in ugly ways when I don’t want it to. But honestly, I’d rather be ugly to strangers than to my friends… I don’t know how to fix it. Help?
Back in middle school, I was terribly, painfully shy. I didn’t know how to interact with people my age. I was lonely. I was miserable. By the time I got to high school, I was over my shyness but the social cliques at my private school were as strict as the Caste system. You were what you were when you got there, so for 7 years of my life I was stuck quietly on the outskirts, with just a couple friends, wishing I could say what I wanted to say. (Just a side note: the friends that I had then were fantastic people. I still keep in touch with some of them.)
When I got to college, the game changed. I got to make up for lost time, or lost words, and I became the person that says what everyone is thinking. People listened to me and genuinely wanted to know what I had to say. I was emboldened by this new found freedom and sometimes took it to the level of jerkdom. I used being honest as an excuse to be derisive. I still have flashes of things I said to people that make me wince.
Then I got to seminary. I had simmered down some, but I was still honest. This took a lot of people by surprise. People didn’t know how to take me, and I felt like I was back in high school. Many of my classmates were good ol’ southern boys who didn’t expect girls to be smart or speak their mind. It was really hard. I wasn’t going to change who I was, but I had gotten used to being friends with guys who weren’t suspicious of me. The underlying assumption of women at seminary while I was there was that they were desperately seeking their MRS degree or that they were crazy raging feminists. While I was neither, I came away with more sympathy for group #2. But that’s neither here nor there. The point is, at a place surrounded by likeminded Christians, I was mostly alienated for being an honest person. (Some notable male exceptions: John, Jody, and of course, William)
After graduation, I began teaching. I had to ratchet back my honesty for the sake of not scarring small children and/or getting fired. (There’s a time and a place to speak your mind… when you want to tell the 10th six year old that day who has sneezed all over their classmate/not washed their hands after potty/can’t tie their shoe/wants you to look at their booger/etc. to TAKE THEIR UNTIED SHOE AND…. Well you know. It’s probably not good to speak your mind in that moment.) Then I began teaching 5th grade, and then middle school. I love teaching middle school precisely for the reasons most people think I am crazy for. I love that they are all over the place, and I get to have some small part in shaping the person they are going to be. I have such vivid memories of how miserable that was, that I know I belong in that classroom. But again, I have to be a calm presence. If I get a crappy paper turned in, I have to phrase my comments nicely… firmly point out what’s wrong, and put some encouragement in. When students are being bad, I can’t just scream at them to shut up. (I have never in my life raised my voice to a student.) Calmness works much better. The result of that, though, is that I have become very adept at pushing my emotions away, dealing with them later and rationalizing why I shouldn’t be upset. I do this at home, and as I have recently become aware, I do it to my friends. Who the emotions come out for are total strangers, and it’s not in a good way. For the first time in my life a couple weeks ago, I leaned out the window and yelled at some lady in the Publix parking lot. It’s even worse than something I would have done in college. William was picking me up at Publix and I had a few bag’s worth of groceries, more than I could easily toss in the car waiting at the stop sign. I told him to pull into the pick up-drop off lane so we wouldn’t hold up traffic. Then, I realized there was a van parked RIGHT in the entrance so William couldn’t pull off the main drive. The driver of the van was outside of her van, talking on her cell phone. I know she must have seen us there, me with bags of groceries, William trying to pull up behind her. I got in the car with my bags after some effort, and then William had to back up into Publix traffic to get back out. I leaned out my open window and gave her a piece of my mind as we drove off. Afterwards, I thought, what on earth is wrong with me? I never do things like that. I yell at drivers, I get impatient with people in grocery store lines that are being, in my opinion, purposely obtuse, and I get annoyed with people who walk realllllly realllllly slowly in the middle of the walkways at stores. I was even rude to a salesclerk at Target on Black Friday. I think that in some ways this is because of the crazy pregnancy hormones, but in other ways, I need to learn balance. Not in the new-agey, meditation sense, but in a real live normal person sense. I need to find a way to open up my emotions responsibly to the people around me, who actually care how I feel. It’s just hard to get out of the forced calm I’m in from 9 to 3 every day. It’s easier to keep it together if I’m trying to do it all the time, but then it jumps out in ugly ways when I don’t want it to. But honestly, I’d rather be ugly to strangers than to my friends… I don’t know how to fix it. Help?
Thursday, December 25, 2008
I heard the bells....
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
(one of my faves... hope you enjoy. Merry Christmas!)
1. I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
2. I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
3. And in despair I bowed my head
'There is no peace on earth,' I said,
'For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.'
4. Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men.'
5. Till ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Christmas concerts
Friday night I got to go see Leeland, Sixpence None the Richer, Sarah Groves, and Jars of Clay in concert, courtesy of a family from school. It was GREAT, but also highlighted to me some of my pet peeves about Christian concerts and about performers in general.
Ever since the Newsboys started charging $30 to get into their "Worship" tour, I've been really ticked at the idea of Christian concerts as worship services. Yes, in one sense, all Christian acts should be those of worship, but in another sense, formal worship only takes place on Sunday, in church, led by a pastor, with other believers. Yeah, I'm a Presbyterian. Sue me. Actually don't... I have no money. But the good thing about that is: worship is free. Only one of the acts got on a big kick about how we were there to worship, but it was enough to annoy me. If it were a worship service, they shouldn't have charged admission. And, that guy isn't my pastor, my spiritual leader, or anybody in the position to lead me in worship anyway. Besides the deep-seeded theological problem I have with that, there were other moments that were just funny.
The pastor of the host church was praying to open the show, and I was watching him on the big telescreen. I was totally okay until he prayed, "help us to, as the old song says, love thee more dearly..." and I started laughing so hard I was crying. The song he quoted from was "Day by Day" from Godspell. After the prayer, I promptly burst into song. I know the guy meant it sincerely, but it just tickled me to no end that for his serious, heartfelt prayer, he prayed words from a bad 70's musical about Jesus. Of course, it was one of those things made funnier by the fact that it was a totally inappropriate time for me to bust out laughing.
The guy from Leeland provided some amusement for me with his worship pose. He would squat slightly with his arms akimbo, elbows bent, fists clenched, like he was getting ready to take off on his very own jet pack. Leigh from Sixpence was obviously nervous and couldn't stop swinging her free arm around. The bass player for Sarah Groves, as my friend pointed out to me, looked like Gollum the way he was hunching over his instrument.
All this just added to the fun, though. It was, in all, a fantastic show. My favorite moment was probably Jars of Clay, when they played Little Drummer Boy, and the band members starting rocking out with Dan going to town on the bass drum. I'm all ready for Christmas now.
Ever since the Newsboys started charging $30 to get into their "Worship" tour, I've been really ticked at the idea of Christian concerts as worship services. Yes, in one sense, all Christian acts should be those of worship, but in another sense, formal worship only takes place on Sunday, in church, led by a pastor, with other believers. Yeah, I'm a Presbyterian. Sue me. Actually don't... I have no money. But the good thing about that is: worship is free. Only one of the acts got on a big kick about how we were there to worship, but it was enough to annoy me. If it were a worship service, they shouldn't have charged admission. And, that guy isn't my pastor, my spiritual leader, or anybody in the position to lead me in worship anyway. Besides the deep-seeded theological problem I have with that, there were other moments that were just funny.
The pastor of the host church was praying to open the show, and I was watching him on the big telescreen. I was totally okay until he prayed, "help us to, as the old song says, love thee more dearly..." and I started laughing so hard I was crying. The song he quoted from was "Day by Day" from Godspell. After the prayer, I promptly burst into song. I know the guy meant it sincerely, but it just tickled me to no end that for his serious, heartfelt prayer, he prayed words from a bad 70's musical about Jesus. Of course, it was one of those things made funnier by the fact that it was a totally inappropriate time for me to bust out laughing.
The guy from Leeland provided some amusement for me with his worship pose. He would squat slightly with his arms akimbo, elbows bent, fists clenched, like he was getting ready to take off on his very own jet pack. Leigh from Sixpence was obviously nervous and couldn't stop swinging her free arm around. The bass player for Sarah Groves, as my friend pointed out to me, looked like Gollum the way he was hunching over his instrument.
All this just added to the fun, though. It was, in all, a fantastic show. My favorite moment was probably Jars of Clay, when they played Little Drummer Boy, and the band members starting rocking out with Dan going to town on the bass drum. I'm all ready for Christmas now.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
Last night, for the first time in the history of being an Eggleston, I ate all my dinner at a restaurant and then finished half of William's. And then ate ice cream. Pregnancy has officially turned my universe upside down and inside out.
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