"When your hope is gone, sing on."

This school year has been off to a rocky start. This past Friday, I had a terrible morning, and a terrible lunch break, and then right after lunch my day turned completely around. I ended up having one of the best weekends of my life.

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself by the time I got to my freshman English class.  I assigned a classwork project, which always makes me feel like I’m not really teaching because I’m not lecturing, and hoped for the best. Well, the students took ownership and got excited about this little assignment that I made up on the spot in a way that they had yet to do this year. Then it was time for my Brit Lit class and they had me in stitches as we read Much Ado About Nothing. I end the day with study hall, and since most of the class needed to be in the gym working on their homecoming banner, we just all went out there. Then it was time for football. If you read my blog, you probably know me personally, which means you know how much I love my Comets. They pretty much rocked the other team, I got a lot of great pictures, and I had a good time chatting with some students not in a classroom setting. It was the most relaxed I've been in weeks.

Then came Saturday. I went with William out to the last part of the RBC fall conference, which was a concert by Andrew Peterson. There are not words that exist to describe how much his music has ministered to my soul over the years. The best way I can think of is that it’s the closest thing to Scripture in how it works on me. The words to his songs are profound. I feel how I feel at the end of a great novel after listening to his music. We arrived at RBC, sat in the second row, chatted with our friends, and waited. As we were waiting for the concert to start, someone from our past who was involved in something that caused us a lot of hurt and that we hadn’t seen in years came by and started making polite conversation. It was super awkward. Then a few minutes later, this person pulled us aside and asked for forgiveness. It was one of the only honest-to-God apologies I’ve ever heard. Not an “I’m sorry if you were offended” but an “I did wrong. Forgive me.” The grace of God was overpowering. I never, ever expected that to happen in this lifetime, which showed me, as always, that His ways are not my ways, His timing is always perfect, and the Holy Spirit works in mysterious ways. This was 5 minutes before the concert started. So I started off a wreck before Andrew Peterson even came on.

This concert was a little different in that he gave a lot of background on what inspired his songs, mentioning GK Chesterton and Cormac McCarthy's writings, and his own personal experiences. He talked at length about listening to Satan, the Accuser, and how we need the Church, and to be reminded of Christ’s love, all the time. Those are the voices we should listen to, not the lies from the Father of Lies.

I hadn’t realized until that moment that that’s what I’ve been doing since the school year started. I’ve been listening to the lies that come in quiet moments. That I’m not really doing a good job at ICS. That I don’t spend enough time on home school with my son. That certain people don’t really like me. That I was just in the way at the high school retreat and shouldn’t have even gone. That the time I give up from my personal life for certain people outside of school will never really affect anything. I got a God-appointed reality check yesterday.

“You don’t have to work so hard
You can rest easy
You don’t have to prove yourself
You’re already Mine
You don’t have to hide your heart
I already love you
I hold it in Mine
So you can rest easy.”

After the concert we went with some RBC friends to a local pub, and as we were sitting outside starting to eat, lo and behold, Andrew Peterson walked past us on his way in to the pub with Ben Shive, who played the show with him, and some other guy. He recognized some of the faces at our table and stopped briefly to chat before heading into the restaurant. I made a lot of jokes yesterday about being a fangirl but seriously… I was so excited. I made my friend Michael go in with me to get a picture. I don’t even remember what I said to the man because how am I supposed to adequately thank someone for the work the Lord has done in my life through them? I hope whatever it was I said after “Can we get a picture with you?” made some kind of sense.

Life can be beautiful, and life can be awful, but in my own inconsistency and mess, God is always at work and present whether I see it or not. I needed to be taken back out of myself and I am grateful that happened this weekend. Getting to meet one of my earthly heroes was just icing on the cake.

“You are holiness and grace
You are fury and rest
You are anger and love
You curse and you bless
You are mighty and weak
You are silence and song
You are plain as the day,
But you have hidden your face--
For how long? How long?

And I am standing in the stillness of the reckoning
The storm is past and rest is beckoning
Mighty God, how I fear you
How I long to be near you, O Lord

How long until the burden is lifted?
How long is this the song that we sing?
How long until the reckoning?
 

And I know that I don't know what I'm asking
But I long to look you full in the face
I am ready for the reckoning.”