Soaked in grace.

In the past couple months I’ve really had to struggle through things I’ve had to give up in order to follow the calls God has placed on my life. I’m a Presbyterian, so I don’t say very often that God “told” me to do anything (half-kidding…) but when the still, small voice of God impresses something on me in answer to prayer, it couldn’t be more clear. Hopefully I’m not shocking any of my friends with this. I can count on one hand the number of times that I KNOW God told me something, as opposed to timely advice from friends, Scripture, pastoral wisdom, etc. So when that happens, I know I have no choice but to obey. In that path, though, I haven’t always been wise, so I’m so grateful for people in my life that are wiser than me. I’ve received two pieces of advice in response to difficult situations, both stemming from my attempts at obeying what I know God has told me to do.

One was a firm reminder that I am not anyone’s savior. It was the best thing I could have heard at the time. It hasn’t changed much outwardly, but it has helped me check my perspective and motivation. It was freeing. Through all my roles in life, wife, mother, teacher… there are things I give up that I will never get back. I’m not saying that for sympathy, it’s just the truth. No one could give those things back to me, and I don’t want them back. I give them up because I am walking in His calling. I give those things up because I am not my own savior. I am not anyone else’s savior. Jesus Christ alone is the Savior. If He wants to use my efforts, He will, but not because of my righteousness. Because of His. And whether I ever see fruit from those labors, it doesn’t matter, because God will work what He wills. In all of this, God is refining me in the fire.

Another piece of advice I received after someone said something insulting to me about being a working mom was along the lines of “If you’re doing what you know God wants you to do, who cares what anyone else says about it?” So true. If I was in this for adulation, I wouldn’t be a teacher. My kids are happy and they are well taken care of when I’m not around. And I can’t imagine doing anything else. I have two biological kids on this earth and I’ve had hundreds of “kids” via my classroom through the years. What a blessing.

This past week I’ve been really content. Happy. For no real reason. Nothing earth-shattering happened; my usual difficulties and the subtext of my life right now are still in full force. But it’s ok. I have become less and Christ has become more. I heard this song today and it captures why I can have joy when people question my decisions: who I’ve chosen to pour my life into, and how, and how much. I am soaked in grace.