This morning I was tagging along with my sister-in-law Emily while she ran some errands, and I was filling her in on my latest musings. We talked about how hard it is to get rid of "stuff", and how hard it can be not to buy it in the first place. I told her how I was feeling about the magazine articles, and how I want to be someone who practices what they preach. She very wisely reminded me that it's when we have these epiphanies about life that God asks us, "what are you doing to do about it?"
For someone who does not believe, philosophically or whatever you want to call it, in holding onto a lot of "stuff", I sure I have a lot of junk crammed into my closets. It's been my summer project to clean out my closets, pass on some clothes that are still in fashion and serviceable to my friends, and I've been figuring out what else to do with the ever-growing pile of clothes/bags/shoes that I didn't want/need anymore. I'd been holding on to a lot of it with vague ideas of having a garage sale or taking it to a consignment shop to try to get some money back from it. Every time I had that idea, there came that still small voice asking me "why?" If I really was worried about money I wouldn't be buying this much in the first place. I should just drop it off at a charity organization. But there came my fleshly inner struggle. I could make some money, but why? To buy more stuff? To fill that space right back up with things I don't really need, and that I know in my heart of hearts don't matter? It might sound kind of odd but the eternal perspective we are supposed to have as Christians was being tested with my decision about what to do with my stuff. I know that God has been nudging me to just let it go; drop it off so people who need it more can have it without a second glance or thought from me. But, like with so many things, I wanted to hold on to it.
God gives us small things to be obedient and faithful with as practice for when we are faced with larger things. I told one of my classes last year that being a student, being faithful to work hard and do your best on homework even when you don't want to, is both doable and required by God. We all need to practice now being faithful with "every-day" things so that when God brings bigger challenges into our lives, we are used to listening to His voice and following His path. Like everybody, I've had both successes and miserable failures in this area, and here I was today, this week, this summer... not doing what I've been telling my students to do.
Now, to make my struggle a little more clear, I don't think there is anything wrong with selling your old stuff to make some cash. My struggle was with my ugly heart and what I knew God was asking me to do. It was knowing that God was asking me to be faithful to Him in this very small issue and I have been dragging my feet, instead of plunging right in with an enthusiastic, "Yes Lord, whatever you want me to do, I'll do it!"
When I got back from running around with Emily, and talking to her about these issues, I thought about what she had said. She had reminded me that my options were simple: Do something, or do nothing. I decided to put to death, for today anyway, my inner hypocrite. Now, not to be exceedingly corny, but this process of putting to death the old nature can be very much like a dramatic death scene from the Twilight books. If you've read these, you'll know what I'm talking about. If you haven't... please don't dismiss me for being silly. One of the heroes kills an evil vampire, and the only way to do that is to pull it apart limb by limb, burning all the pieces, because until it is nothing but ash, the vampire still has strength to do evil. My inner hypocrite is like the vampire. I need to pull that sucker limb from limb and burn the pieces. I started that today by pulling even more articles of clothing from my closet, pulling all my purses down onto the floor, and then ruthlessly tossing things I rarely use and didn't even know I still had in some cases into the give-away pile. Then I did it a second and third time. I piled it all into garbage bags, and William helped me load it in his car. We dropped it off at the Salvation Army today. It's gone.
Jeremiah 17:9-12 says "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 'I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.' Like the partridge that gathers a brood that she did not hatch, so is he who gets riches but not by justice; in the midst of his days they will leave him, and at his end he will be a fool. A glorious throne set on high from the beginning is the place of our sanctuary."
The LORD searched my heart today. My sick and deceitful heart. Why would I hold on to these earthly things when our real sanctuary, our comfort and hope, has been set since before the beginning of time? Thank HIM that in another passage, He tells us, "I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them... " (Ezekiel 11:19b,ff.)
Today, there was obedience. But it wasn't from me, it was only because God has enabled my heart to love and follow Him. It's still able not to, though. That's the danger. For today, the battle is over. Tomorrow though... I might have to put that hypocrite to death. Again.
2 comments:
So true. In fact, I had six or seven bags full of clothes, shoes, belts, etc. to give up. I kept thinking I would do the garage sale thing, then I figured a consignment shop ... basically I toted them around in my car for about two months. Finally, I posted an ad on craigslist and gave them to someone who really needed them. It was perfect.
That's great! It's so easy to find a way to give stuff away but hard to actually do it... even though it's not doing any good just sitting around.
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