No names are given in order to protect the innocent and the guilty.
My 10 year high school reunion was this past Saturday night. I was nervous all day like I haven't been since I was actually in high school. I had some great times and great friends then, but I was by no means a popular or socially accepted person. I was smart, played the wrong sports, didn't dress like everyone else, wasn't the right kind of pretty, and didn't talk much. When I did I was usually arguing about Calvinism. I was never asked to homecoming or prom or any other outing by a boy. I would go home and cry every day leading up to the event and then go with my girlfriends and have a better time than anybody else. But it still hurt to never be that girl who got to wait for her date to come get her for the high school formal (not a dance, because Baptists are ridiculous.) People always tried to encourage me that I shouldn't care what those people think anyway and I'm too good for them and blah blah. Truth is though, I did care and I did want them to like me.
The past 10 years have been good to me. I have gained confidence, I look good (if I do say so), I have a career and a family, I have amazing friends. I haven't thought about those high school people in years. 10 years, in fact, except for the few I have kept in touch with over the years through email and phone calls, and now facebook. On the way to the reunion I was, as mentioned, nervous. I told William stories of my time at TFA, of how the cliques worked, what the cool sports were, some of my more fun times, and some of the miserable times. As soon as we walked in to the restaurant, I was miserable as I looked around and saw very few people that I cared about seeing. To add to that rush of insecurity I hadn't felt since 1999, no one so much as said hi as I stood there in the doorway not wanting to step in further (and fighting the urge to turn right around and drag my husband with me to go home.) After a few awkward minutes I did see some friendly faces, so we talked a little and laughed at how weird this whole situation was. Then the people that were cooler than me in high school started being friendly. It was nice. But I also have latent feelings of knowing that we didn't talk then, so why should we talk now? It's not like we're going to be friends from now on.
Awhile later someone who had been a good friend in high school showed up and we shared the feeling of only being there mostly out of curiosity to see what has become of everyone. I have to say, on a very shallow note, that 10 years has been really good to some, and really rough on others. It was a very shallow victory indeed but it was still sinfully fun to see that some of the guys who were hot snot back then are now balding but otherwise haven't changed a bit (which is not a good thing.)
During dinner William and I sat with a couple guys that had been truly nice to me at my time in school and we ended up having a really great time. I will say that nothing helps along a conversation with people you haven't seen in 10 years than them taking full advantage of the bar. I myself enjoyed the best glass of shiraz I have ever had as I heard my friends' wild stories of what they've been up to all this time. As the night wound down and I was reaching my limit of how long I could stay away from my baby, I was sincerely sorry to have to leave so soon as I hugged people goodbye and slipped out the door I was so ready to run out of 3 hours before. It'll probably be another 10 years before I see them again, but now it will be something I look forward to.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Musings on Music
Why is music so important to us? Why do certain songs touch your soul, and others are repellent, but not universally?
Music is a powerful medium. One of the dumbest things I've ever heard, theologically speaking, is that music is evil because Satan was the minister of music in heaven and that's why we have to be so careful. (If none of you have heard this before... try going to a rabidly Southern Baptist private school for 7 years. Apologies to my Southern Baptist friends.)The proof text for this is an obscure verse in Ezekiel. But the context is Ezekiel pronouncing judgment on the King of Tyre, using metaphor to drive home just how far the King is going to fall. So there goes that argument. (Context, people!)
Like all things, God created music, but that still doesn't explain its power or ability to move us. Songs become our friends. When we share them with others, it's a personal risk. Sometimes the songs become marred because of who we share them with.
Songs can remind us of times in our lives, for good or bad. Hearing old N'Sync on the radio reminds me of high school/early college, especially "Bye Bye Bye." It's not like this song is a great piece of music that will last forever, or even that I like it, but I still oddly thrill when it's played at the dances I chaperone for my school. I remember the video, where the guys are marionettes and then Justin Timberlake gets chased by Dobermans. I can even do part of the dance. But I'd never say "Bye Bye Bye" is an all time favorite song.
An ex of mine introduced me to some good music. Pedro the Lion, Damien Jurado, Pete Yorn. For a long time after I dumped the loser (who hopefully will never be reading this!) I couldn't listen to them. I went so far as to throw the cd's out the window driving home one night from the boonies so I could crush them with my car. It was cathartic.
My first year of teaching middle school English I tried to introduce music as a form of story telling. The previous teacher was apparently rather, um, strict and traditional. There. That's a nice way to say it. (I never met the lady... just heard stories from the students.) When we study Pilgrim's Progress in 8th grade, I preface the unit by discussing the idea of a hero, both in the literary definition and what we view as heroic. To add depth to the understanding, I played "Superman" by Crash Test Dummies and thought I could start a discussion on why the song is so depressing, when it's so contrary to our ideas of heroes as these impervious, confident people. I had such lofty hopes as I shared this fantastic song with my young students. They all looked at me like I was weird.
I played "Shadow Stabbing" by Cake and asked the students to listen for the metaphor about writing. Another epic fail. I played "Only a Man" by Jonny Lang and "A Song Is Not a Business Plan" by Rocket Summer as examples of personal narratives. This was slightly more successful because I think by this time my students were used to my unconventional approach to teaching and were a little more comfortable with class discussion, which apparently was not allowed by the previous teacher. In 7th, when we discuss epic and lyrical poetry, I play "Deathbed" by Relient K, one of the most amazing songs to be written in the 21st century. I have the students listen for the repetition, the slight changes in the chorus, and the ultimate meaning of the song. This out of all the songs is the one I am most emotionally invested in. It's the only Christian song I have used, and it's the only one that made it into my second year of teaching. It's also the only song I have ever gotten a complaint about. Someone told me it was horrible and the message was not Christian and they couldn't believe I played it. I have to say, I was hurt. The song is a beautiful message of hope and the triumph we have over the misery of this world in Christ, expressed even when Matt Thiessen isn't singing and it's just the music. I open a part of myself to the students when I play this song for them.
In 8th grade this year I had the students take charge of the song-as-poetry aspect and had them bring in song lyrics. I didn't quite get to go where I wanted with this assignment because it's right when I got ill and spent some time in the ER and a lot of time at home recuperating. I was a little appalled with the vapidness of some of the songs that are really popular right now(Rihanna, Britney Spears) but one student impressed me by bringing in "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay. The idea was to analyze the lyrics in form, content, meaning, emotional impact, etc. but like I said, I didn't quite get to go there with them.
My students often ask me what my favorite band or favorite song is. I have such a hard time answering that. It needs so many qualifications. I could name a different band each time and I wouldn't be lying. It depends on the day, my mood, what I would choose to listen to that moment, all kinds of things.
My progression in taste in music is a pretty hilarious and sometimes sad journey, from Michael W. Smith and DCTalk to Snow Patrol and The Killers. I used to only listen to Christian radio. It's what my friends did. Then I started discovering Christian bands that they didn't really play on the radio. Dakoda Motor Company, Code of Ethics, a couple others. People told me they couldn't be Christian because they rocked too hard. That was my first inkling that most people's musical standards are 97% BS. Which is fine, just don't tell me that a band can't be Christian cuz you don't like it.
Then I got into MXPX and The Supertones. Someone told me they can't be Christian if you can't understand what they're saying. From there I got into Five Iron Frenzy, a brilliant and underrated ska band. As I got older and my friends were listening to Jaci Velasquez, I was discovering the wonderful world of Weezer, Green Day, Foo Fighters, and others. I was branching out by myself while those around me were rededicating their lives to Christ by committing to listening only to Christian music. I put my foot in my mouth one day in yearbook by loudly saying how stupid I thought that was, to be told later that the person I said it to had recently done just that.
My first concerts were the Christian ones. Michael W. Smith, Steven Curtis Chapman, DCTalk, Eric Champion. Out of Eden. My long suffering father would pack me and my silly friends in the van and drive us to Lakeland where we would eat at Steak and Shake before the show. He can't possibly have enjoyed all the music, which I realize now. Occasionally I bust out those CDs for fun and wonder what in the world I was thinking. In college I got to see MXPX, and the opening band was Good Charlotte. The next tour, to my chagrin, MXPX opened for Good Charlotte. I got to see The Mighty Mighty Bosstones once, which was more exciting in theory cuz the singer's voice is shot. At least I got to hear "The Rascal King" live. One of the last shows I got to go to was Delta Spirit and Matt Costa. Amazing voices, amazing musicians. Standing in a smoky, tiny bar scene downtown is quite a journey from the Lakeland days. But it's been a good journey.
Back to the issue of having a favorite. I don't know that this is even possible. Music is so broad. People that only listen to one genre and hold onto it like it's their sole definition as a person are missing out on so much. You can appreciate the brilliance of a song without necessarily liking it. Just because I recognize Mozart was a genius doesn't mean it's my favorite. My current song obsessions, which have lasted awhile ("Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse and "Give You Hell" by All-American Rejects) doesn't make them my favorite. In college I would have said my favorite band was MXPX. I still love them. They were my introduction to The Ramones through their cover of "The KKK Took My Baby Away." I started going backwards in time, listening to older punk, then back to Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and Queen. So, a favorite? Where does a person even start sifting to give that title to just one song?
William and I put together a playlist for Edward. We don't like most children's music. It's annoying, and the reason why little kids like it is circular. You play it for a kid cuz it's labeled as for kids, and if that's all you expose them too, of course that's what they'll like. So we're just not going to start with Barney Sings The Disney Channel's Most Saccharine Hits. We both put songs that we like on the list. It's as broad as both our tastes. There's Debussy, Bela Fleck, Louis Armstrong, REM, U2, Johnny Cash, Weezer, Soul Coughing, Dexy's Midnight Runners, Spin Doctors, and many others. Songs we love and we want our son to love, or at least appreciate. I don't want him to have a narrow perception of music, or to be like those people I knew that thought if it wasn't to their exact taste and arbitrary standard it was wrong, or in some cases, outright evil. It's a risk though. I don't want him to reject my music because it's rejecting a small part of me.
So what is it that makes us cry, smile, cringe, or turn the station when certain songs come on the radio? I know this entry went all over the place, but music is so interwoven into my life that it's reflective of my thoughts. I process by writing but I don't have an answer at the end of this... maybe I never will. But I'm going to enjoy listening while I try to figure it out.
Music is a powerful medium. One of the dumbest things I've ever heard, theologically speaking, is that music is evil because Satan was the minister of music in heaven and that's why we have to be so careful. (If none of you have heard this before... try going to a rabidly Southern Baptist private school for 7 years. Apologies to my Southern Baptist friends.)The proof text for this is an obscure verse in Ezekiel. But the context is Ezekiel pronouncing judgment on the King of Tyre, using metaphor to drive home just how far the King is going to fall. So there goes that argument. (Context, people!)
Like all things, God created music, but that still doesn't explain its power or ability to move us. Songs become our friends. When we share them with others, it's a personal risk. Sometimes the songs become marred because of who we share them with.
Songs can remind us of times in our lives, for good or bad. Hearing old N'Sync on the radio reminds me of high school/early college, especially "Bye Bye Bye." It's not like this song is a great piece of music that will last forever, or even that I like it, but I still oddly thrill when it's played at the dances I chaperone for my school. I remember the video, where the guys are marionettes and then Justin Timberlake gets chased by Dobermans. I can even do part of the dance. But I'd never say "Bye Bye Bye" is an all time favorite song.
An ex of mine introduced me to some good music. Pedro the Lion, Damien Jurado, Pete Yorn. For a long time after I dumped the loser (who hopefully will never be reading this!) I couldn't listen to them. I went so far as to throw the cd's out the window driving home one night from the boonies so I could crush them with my car. It was cathartic.
My first year of teaching middle school English I tried to introduce music as a form of story telling. The previous teacher was apparently rather, um, strict and traditional. There. That's a nice way to say it. (I never met the lady... just heard stories from the students.) When we study Pilgrim's Progress in 8th grade, I preface the unit by discussing the idea of a hero, both in the literary definition and what we view as heroic. To add depth to the understanding, I played "Superman" by Crash Test Dummies and thought I could start a discussion on why the song is so depressing, when it's so contrary to our ideas of heroes as these impervious, confident people. I had such lofty hopes as I shared this fantastic song with my young students. They all looked at me like I was weird.
I played "Shadow Stabbing" by Cake and asked the students to listen for the metaphor about writing. Another epic fail. I played "Only a Man" by Jonny Lang and "A Song Is Not a Business Plan" by Rocket Summer as examples of personal narratives. This was slightly more successful because I think by this time my students were used to my unconventional approach to teaching and were a little more comfortable with class discussion, which apparently was not allowed by the previous teacher. In 7th, when we discuss epic and lyrical poetry, I play "Deathbed" by Relient K, one of the most amazing songs to be written in the 21st century. I have the students listen for the repetition, the slight changes in the chorus, and the ultimate meaning of the song. This out of all the songs is the one I am most emotionally invested in. It's the only Christian song I have used, and it's the only one that made it into my second year of teaching. It's also the only song I have ever gotten a complaint about. Someone told me it was horrible and the message was not Christian and they couldn't believe I played it. I have to say, I was hurt. The song is a beautiful message of hope and the triumph we have over the misery of this world in Christ, expressed even when Matt Thiessen isn't singing and it's just the music. I open a part of myself to the students when I play this song for them.
In 8th grade this year I had the students take charge of the song-as-poetry aspect and had them bring in song lyrics. I didn't quite get to go where I wanted with this assignment because it's right when I got ill and spent some time in the ER and a lot of time at home recuperating. I was a little appalled with the vapidness of some of the songs that are really popular right now(Rihanna, Britney Spears) but one student impressed me by bringing in "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay. The idea was to analyze the lyrics in form, content, meaning, emotional impact, etc. but like I said, I didn't quite get to go there with them.
My students often ask me what my favorite band or favorite song is. I have such a hard time answering that. It needs so many qualifications. I could name a different band each time and I wouldn't be lying. It depends on the day, my mood, what I would choose to listen to that moment, all kinds of things.
My progression in taste in music is a pretty hilarious and sometimes sad journey, from Michael W. Smith and DCTalk to Snow Patrol and The Killers. I used to only listen to Christian radio. It's what my friends did. Then I started discovering Christian bands that they didn't really play on the radio. Dakoda Motor Company, Code of Ethics, a couple others. People told me they couldn't be Christian because they rocked too hard. That was my first inkling that most people's musical standards are 97% BS. Which is fine, just don't tell me that a band can't be Christian cuz you don't like it.
Then I got into MXPX and The Supertones. Someone told me they can't be Christian if you can't understand what they're saying. From there I got into Five Iron Frenzy, a brilliant and underrated ska band. As I got older and my friends were listening to Jaci Velasquez, I was discovering the wonderful world of Weezer, Green Day, Foo Fighters, and others. I was branching out by myself while those around me were rededicating their lives to Christ by committing to listening only to Christian music. I put my foot in my mouth one day in yearbook by loudly saying how stupid I thought that was, to be told later that the person I said it to had recently done just that.
My first concerts were the Christian ones. Michael W. Smith, Steven Curtis Chapman, DCTalk, Eric Champion. Out of Eden. My long suffering father would pack me and my silly friends in the van and drive us to Lakeland where we would eat at Steak and Shake before the show. He can't possibly have enjoyed all the music, which I realize now. Occasionally I bust out those CDs for fun and wonder what in the world I was thinking. In college I got to see MXPX, and the opening band was Good Charlotte. The next tour, to my chagrin, MXPX opened for Good Charlotte. I got to see The Mighty Mighty Bosstones once, which was more exciting in theory cuz the singer's voice is shot. At least I got to hear "The Rascal King" live. One of the last shows I got to go to was Delta Spirit and Matt Costa. Amazing voices, amazing musicians. Standing in a smoky, tiny bar scene downtown is quite a journey from the Lakeland days. But it's been a good journey.
Back to the issue of having a favorite. I don't know that this is even possible. Music is so broad. People that only listen to one genre and hold onto it like it's their sole definition as a person are missing out on so much. You can appreciate the brilliance of a song without necessarily liking it. Just because I recognize Mozart was a genius doesn't mean it's my favorite. My current song obsessions, which have lasted awhile ("Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse and "Give You Hell" by All-American Rejects) doesn't make them my favorite. In college I would have said my favorite band was MXPX. I still love them. They were my introduction to The Ramones through their cover of "The KKK Took My Baby Away." I started going backwards in time, listening to older punk, then back to Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and Queen. So, a favorite? Where does a person even start sifting to give that title to just one song?
William and I put together a playlist for Edward. We don't like most children's music. It's annoying, and the reason why little kids like it is circular. You play it for a kid cuz it's labeled as for kids, and if that's all you expose them too, of course that's what they'll like. So we're just not going to start with Barney Sings The Disney Channel's Most Saccharine Hits. We both put songs that we like on the list. It's as broad as both our tastes. There's Debussy, Bela Fleck, Louis Armstrong, REM, U2, Johnny Cash, Weezer, Soul Coughing, Dexy's Midnight Runners, Spin Doctors, and many others. Songs we love and we want our son to love, or at least appreciate. I don't want him to have a narrow perception of music, or to be like those people I knew that thought if it wasn't to their exact taste and arbitrary standard it was wrong, or in some cases, outright evil. It's a risk though. I don't want him to reject my music because it's rejecting a small part of me.
So what is it that makes us cry, smile, cringe, or turn the station when certain songs come on the radio? I know this entry went all over the place, but music is so interwoven into my life that it's reflective of my thoughts. I process by writing but I don't have an answer at the end of this... maybe I never will. But I'm going to enjoy listening while I try to figure it out.
Friday, June 12, 2009
40 weeks and counting
Today was my due date. I had a check-up; Edward is making progress! The latest from my doctor is that if I haven't given birth by Wednesday, I'm going in for a non-stress test and ultrasound. If everything is ok, I will schedule an inducement for later in the week. If anything is amiss, they will induce me right then. But he doesn't think I will make it til Wednesday. Inducing carries a higher risk for C-section, so of course the ideal would be to go into labor naturally, but the upshot is I will meet my son very soon, one way or another :)
To the many of you I know have been and are praying for me: thanks! And if I may ask it of you, please pray that I would go into labor naturally, and soon!
To the many of you I know have been and are praying for me: thanks! And if I may ask it of you, please pray that I would go into labor naturally, and soon!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Rhubarb: reminiscence and a recipe
It’s odd, the objects or events that trigger the strongest memories. For me, it’s rhubarb. Every summer I look forward to the short season of good rhubarb. I love to eat it. My favorite is strawberry rhubarb pie. Every time I have ever bought rhubarb, a fellow customer or the check out person, or all of the above, see it in my cart, and say “OH! Rhubarb! What are you going to make? I love rhubarb!” My answer is usually “Pie,” always followed by “My Grandma taught me how to make it.” This, more than anything else that makes me think of her, makes me remember.
Several years ago I wanted to make my first strawberry rhubarb pie but hadn’t the first clue about how to make rhubarb, so I emailed my grandma. She sent me an easy recipe, which I made, and it’s now the touchstone for all my rhubarb dessert recipes. She passed a lot of things on to me, intellectually, materially, and emotionally, but this for some reason is a stand-out. It may be that the ones who ask me about it in the grocery store are all older, or it may be that I have her passion for trying new things, or that cooking is a love of mine and I like to think I also got that from her. Or all those things.
I spent many hours emailing with her even though she lived in town. It was fun. I think if she were alive she’d have a facebook. During my college and seminary years I’d go visit with her at her house. She’d scold me if I needed it, laugh with/at me, pump me for the latest gossip, we’d talk about movies, if I’d been on a trip lately I’d show her my pictures, then we’d get in her T-bird and go to lunch. As my mom’s mom, she’d give me a perspective on my parents I’d never thought of. When she was ailing in a rehab facility, we kept it up as best we could.
Florence Marvin died in March of 2005, one month before I turned 24 and got engaged, 7 months before I got married. Every life event, every trip I take, every good movie I see, is always tinged with the thought “but I can’t tell Grandma about it.”
So yesterday, when I bought rhubarb, the cashier asked me what I was going to make with my rhubarb. I told her my answer, “Strawberry rhubarb pie… my grandma taught me how to make it.” An elderly man was bagging my groceries and he told me how his mom and aunt LOVE rhubarb but I should have an extra slice for him because he doesn’t like it. Helping me out, we talked about how my baby is due on Friday, how it’s my first, and how excited my husband and I are.
Tomorrow my son is due to be born. Whether he will be “on time” remains to be seen. I wish so much that my grandma was here to meet her 5th great-grandchild. I think she’d like his name. I think she’d laugh at me for the amount of food I’ve been making and eating this week just because I’m bored. But most of all, I hope she’d be proud of me.
Here is her simple recipe:
Preheat oven to 350. Rinse, dry, and slice as much rhubarb as you’re making into bite size pieces. Put in a pan in a single layer. Sprinkle liberally with sugar. Bake until tender, checking after 10 minutes.
To make my pie I make the rhubarb, let it cool, slice fresh strawberries into a pie crust, top with rhubarb, then add more strawberries. Sometimes I leave it at that. Sometimes I add cool whip and/or strawberry glaze. Today I added cinnamon to the rhubarb before baking. It’s gonna be good.
Several years ago I wanted to make my first strawberry rhubarb pie but hadn’t the first clue about how to make rhubarb, so I emailed my grandma. She sent me an easy recipe, which I made, and it’s now the touchstone for all my rhubarb dessert recipes. She passed a lot of things on to me, intellectually, materially, and emotionally, but this for some reason is a stand-out. It may be that the ones who ask me about it in the grocery store are all older, or it may be that I have her passion for trying new things, or that cooking is a love of mine and I like to think I also got that from her. Or all those things.
I spent many hours emailing with her even though she lived in town. It was fun. I think if she were alive she’d have a facebook. During my college and seminary years I’d go visit with her at her house. She’d scold me if I needed it, laugh with/at me, pump me for the latest gossip, we’d talk about movies, if I’d been on a trip lately I’d show her my pictures, then we’d get in her T-bird and go to lunch. As my mom’s mom, she’d give me a perspective on my parents I’d never thought of. When she was ailing in a rehab facility, we kept it up as best we could.
Florence Marvin died in March of 2005, one month before I turned 24 and got engaged, 7 months before I got married. Every life event, every trip I take, every good movie I see, is always tinged with the thought “but I can’t tell Grandma about it.”
So yesterday, when I bought rhubarb, the cashier asked me what I was going to make with my rhubarb. I told her my answer, “Strawberry rhubarb pie… my grandma taught me how to make it.” An elderly man was bagging my groceries and he told me how his mom and aunt LOVE rhubarb but I should have an extra slice for him because he doesn’t like it. Helping me out, we talked about how my baby is due on Friday, how it’s my first, and how excited my husband and I are.
Tomorrow my son is due to be born. Whether he will be “on time” remains to be seen. I wish so much that my grandma was here to meet her 5th great-grandchild. I think she’d like his name. I think she’d laugh at me for the amount of food I’ve been making and eating this week just because I’m bored. But most of all, I hope she’d be proud of me.
Here is her simple recipe:
Preheat oven to 350. Rinse, dry, and slice as much rhubarb as you’re making into bite size pieces. Put in a pan in a single layer. Sprinkle liberally with sugar. Bake until tender, checking after 10 minutes.
To make my pie I make the rhubarb, let it cool, slice fresh strawberries into a pie crust, top with rhubarb, then add more strawberries. Sometimes I leave it at that. Sometimes I add cool whip and/or strawberry glaze. Today I added cinnamon to the rhubarb before baking. It’s gonna be good.
Monday, June 8, 2009
The latest on Sophia: please pray.
Hello,
Everything with Sophia is relatively the same, which is good. However, we just want to ask that everyone pray for her feeding.
They are giving her bolis feeds, which is through her feeding tube, instead of being on a continuous drip. She gets a larger amount of food in a shorter amount of time, around every three hours, just like when a normal baby would eat. This is the final step to conquer before trying feeding by mouth.
At first, she was handling the bolis feeds well, but when they increased the amount of food she was eating she began to spit up a few times and has become very fussy during and around the times of her feeds. They slowed down her feeds, meaning, instead of getting 60cc's over a 45 minute time period, she gets the same amount over a 2hour time period. They hoped she would tolerate this, but today she spit up again. She only spits up a very small amount, and it could just be normal baby spit up, but the alarming thing is that she seems to be gaging a bit and this could be a sign of reflux. Also, it is hard to see her be fussy for long periods of time.
Please pray that she will be able to tolerate her bolis feeds. We are really hoping she will be able to tolerate these feeds so that she can move on to mouth feeding. They cancelled her GI test, which determines if she is a "safe Feeder" by mouth, because she has to show she can tolerate bolis feeds first. It is just hard because she has progressed so much and we had hoped that she would be able to come home this week. Of course, we have not given up hope, and she does have a very suck on her pacifier, which is a good sign for mouth feeding, but if she can't tolerate bolis feeds then we won't really get to test out mouth feeding.
We are gratful no matter what that she has improved overall, and even if we have to wait a bit longer and she has to come home with a g-tube instead of feeding by mouth, we will be happy. But of course we pray for the best, and we pray that the doctors and nurses will have great wisdom in the decisions they make and that she will tolerate these bolis feeds.
Sophia needs to tolerate her feeds for 24 hours at least before they can move to the next step so please think of her over these next few days.
Also, she has an echo scheduled for tomorrow to look at her heart. Please pray that we continue to see less regurgitation, or even that her heart is totally healed.
Thank you so much for weathering these ups and downs with us.
Love,
Samuel, Benita, and Sophia
Everything with Sophia is relatively the same, which is good. However, we just want to ask that everyone pray for her feeding.
They are giving her bolis feeds, which is through her feeding tube, instead of being on a continuous drip. She gets a larger amount of food in a shorter amount of time, around every three hours, just like when a normal baby would eat. This is the final step to conquer before trying feeding by mouth.
At first, she was handling the bolis feeds well, but when they increased the amount of food she was eating she began to spit up a few times and has become very fussy during and around the times of her feeds. They slowed down her feeds, meaning, instead of getting 60cc's over a 45 minute time period, she gets the same amount over a 2hour time period. They hoped she would tolerate this, but today she spit up again. She only spits up a very small amount, and it could just be normal baby spit up, but the alarming thing is that she seems to be gaging a bit and this could be a sign of reflux. Also, it is hard to see her be fussy for long periods of time.
Please pray that she will be able to tolerate her bolis feeds. We are really hoping she will be able to tolerate these feeds so that she can move on to mouth feeding. They cancelled her GI test, which determines if she is a "safe Feeder" by mouth, because she has to show she can tolerate bolis feeds first. It is just hard because she has progressed so much and we had hoped that she would be able to come home this week. Of course, we have not given up hope, and she does have a very suck on her pacifier, which is a good sign for mouth feeding, but if she can't tolerate bolis feeds then we won't really get to test out mouth feeding.
We are gratful no matter what that she has improved overall, and even if we have to wait a bit longer and she has to come home with a g-tube instead of feeding by mouth, we will be happy. But of course we pray for the best, and we pray that the doctors and nurses will have great wisdom in the decisions they make and that she will tolerate these bolis feeds.
Sophia needs to tolerate her feeds for 24 hours at least before they can move to the next step so please think of her over these next few days.
Also, she has an echo scheduled for tomorrow to look at her heart. Please pray that we continue to see less regurgitation, or even that her heart is totally healed.
Thank you so much for weathering these ups and downs with us.
Love,
Samuel, Benita, and Sophia
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